Domestic violence is punishable by Islamic law. But what do we do with the verse in the Quran that seems to not only allow but advocate physically ‘correcting’ a so-called ‘rebellious’ wife? Is the verse in the Quran that uses the word ‘dhoraba’ translated properly as ‘beat them lightly’? Is our understanding misconstrued? How do we begin to address this issue? Shaykh Adhami concludes our ChaiPod series of podcasts with this controversial issue. As an illuminating nugget check out the 22:oo minute mark for the ‘aside’ on polygamy. Shaykh Abdullah Adhami is an Islamic scholar and founder/director of Sakeenah.org.
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AsSalamu Alaikum,
O mankind! Have Taqwa of your Lord Who created you from a single person, and created from him its Zowj (mate) and dispersed from them many Men and Women. (Qur’aan 4:1)
All Praise be to Allah Who not only creates but governs and regulates that which He creates, bringing forth intricately balanced and extremely beneficial systems with organization and purpose. How amazing is this that He created a single soul and from it, He created its partner, love and companion, and through her He created the entire human race.
Allah propagated this race through marriage and blood, and not one without the other, for He ordained the blessed bond of wedlock, and through it He brought forth blood relations and families with all their ties and lineage. Where would the world be without this noble bond of Marriage? Even those who live together out of wedlock cannot deny this, for by denying this, they deny history and the powerful social fabric of the family and the importance of lineage and ancestral trace. Glorified be Allah, All Praise be to Him, indeed it is He Who is truly Al Hameed Al Majeed.
Jaabir narrated that the Prophet said, ‘Be kind with women, for you have taken them by Amaan Allah, and have earned the right to have sexual relations with them by Kalimaat Allah.’ (saheeh of muslim)
The core essence of the Husband-Wife relationship lies in a place which is not normally or not adequately discussed. Allah allowed husband and wife to have sexual relations -through His Words, Decree and Laws they have been given this privilege. With it, they also carry an Amaanah, an important trust and covenant wherein they are responsible before Allah on how they treat each other. Our Prophet, May Allah give him Maqaam Mehmood, so carefully reminded his ummah about this during his farewell sermon. It is in this context that he described the Amaan Allah (Allah’s covenant) which was given through the Kalimaat Allah (Words of Allah). Such beautiful concise words did he leave behind for his ummah. .
It is He Who created you from one soul, and created from him, his mate that he Yaskun with her. (Qur’aan 7:189)
Jaabir narrated that the Prophet said, ‘Have Taqwa of Allah regarding women for they are your ‘Awaan. (saheeh of muslim)
And this marital bond brings a life of companionship, where a man and a woman live together, dwelling in the same house together and spending their time together as each others companions. It is in this context that Allah uses the word Yaskun which comes from Sakan or dwelling, describing how the husband and wife dwell together as companions one to another. They marry and make for themselves a home. In being this close, they are also each others helpers and supporters wherein they assist one another. It is in this context that our Prophet used the word ‘Awaan in the above hadeeth.
And from His Signs is that He created for you mates from amongst yourselves that you might dwell with them. And He has placed between you Mawaddah and Rahmah. (Qur’aan 30:21)
The husband and wife are close. Not only are they close in lodging and space but their hearts are close and between them Allah has placed Mawaddah and Rahmah. These are important attributes Allah has ordained and nobody can deny them. So it is not befitting for a man and woman to be in love for a moment in time and then let such love dwindle like a fire which is no longer kindled and ablaze. Rather The Creator has prescribed Mawaddah, wherein we find true love and affection between husband and wife. Likewise He has prescribed Rahmah, wherein great mercy, tolerance and forgiveness are found between them. If we ever find ourselves departing from Mawaddah and Rahmah, then know we have departed from the Fitrah and are being led astray.
Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your Libaas and you are their Libaas. (Qur’aan 2;187)
Allah described the husband-wife relationship with other descriptive words which serve to shed light on its reality and purpose. He described the husband and wife as each others Libaas or clothing, and clothing is worn over the skin. So He has prescribed an intimate relationship of no compare, where the husband and wife lay naked with their skins acting as each others garments. This is a means of enjoyment He has given them, and through this the relationship maintains its strength and passion, and the suggestions and whisperings of shyataan are left completely unattended. It is no surprise that Iblees embraces more closely, a Jinn who is able to break this intimate union. And it is no surprise that the angels are upset when the husband and wife do not sleep in the same bed. So Allah has sufficed us, and all excuses are cut off, for the intimacy of married life is ‘perpetual’ throughout the marriage, as the husband and wife continue to act as each others Libaas and coverings.
Your wives are a Harth for you (Qur’aan 2:223)
Along with the intimacy and pleasure which comes from sexual relations, Allah has made the woman fertile so that she may be a place of cultivation or Harth. Through this act, the seeds are planted and they grow in a safe place of lodgement within fertile ground. From Nutfah to Alaqah to Mudhgah, to its quickening when the soul is entered. After a life of temporary seclusion under three veils of darkness and sustenance from Allah through the blood of its mother, Allah allows it to scream a cry of life as its loved ones rush to give a name and examine its resemblance and features. Allah Akbar! How Glorious is Allah.
And live with them Ma’roof (Qur’aan 4:19)
The Prophet said, “No Mu’min should hate a Mu’minah. If he dislikes a part of her conduct, he would surely like another.” (saheeh of muslim)
With time, mankind has a tendency to get used to that which Allah has given them and the importance might fade as we forget the bounties and favours of Ar Rahmaan. Shaytaan is particularly active in making us forget that which we should never forget- The Blessings of Allah, which include the husband wife companionship.
So if we begin to see something we dislike in each other, know that we will most surely see many things we love and like-if only we remember. It is in this context that our Prophet spoke about the Mu’min and Mu’minah in the above hadeeth, describing the believing husband and wife, and the need for them to overlook their faults and be reminded of that which they like. Allah will give them increasing ability to do this with increasing Emaan and this is one of the fruits of Taqwa. Let us remember that Allah has commanded us to live together with Ma’roof, wherein we live with love, forbearance, forgiveness and kindness.
So let us take on these attributes, implementing the Qur’aan and Suna, and living a life of Islam as devout, obedient Muslim Women who are close with their husbands as intimate loving companions and partners of no compare. With lowering of the Absaar and wearing of the Hijaab outside the home, comes a life wherein the Muslim woman wears the Libaas of her husband inside the home, giving her husband his Libaas to wear. How beautiful is that!
Written by Kamillah Khan
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